Also Kung Fu Lunchbox

Tumbling the Tree: Treat Yo Self

talix18:

…because not only am I 40-almost-three with no powerful job or precious children, nor am I fashionable nor the ideal weight nor pursuing my passion, but honestly, I’m pretty sure I’m not capable of holding that kind of job or raising children. I’m overwhelmed sometimes by just the every dayness of things, the always having to get up and take a shower and brush my teeth…

Maybe it’s mental illness and maybe it’s just the differences between people and how they interact with their surroundings. The medication keeps me from laying in the street and allows me to utilize the tools I need to hang on to my tiny house and my government job. I do what I can do, and I try not to apologize for not doing more, because who said I was supposed to anyway? I do the best I can more often than not. And I am loved.

Hey, did I write this? It’s almost as if I did. Almost 40-almost-4 though here, slightly diff living sitch and a non-gov job and I didn’t watch Parenthood last night but so many other things that enter similar territory will gimme teh similar sads/point of reflection.

Life’s not what I thought it was going to be and as Tali indicated, most days it’s just an accomplishment to be out of bed, interacting minimally, taking meds, not being dead or harming oneself etc. Some basic things fall through the cracks some days of course. Making appts. and doing things that need doing is really tough for me and coping with being sensitive to so many things and situations is too. It’s embarrassing to say but I often need help just taking care of me. I’m grateful to immediate family for that assistance.

I try to constantly distract myself from thinking about the things I don’t have or may not be able to have in life but it’s impossible not to have it all pop up in my brain at some point every day due to someone’s innocuous tumblr/fb/twitter post about their lives or due to a TV program etc.

But that’s just another day. Time to sleep for a couple hours or something.